Helen & Gareth's Wedding

It was Helen and Gareth's wedding yesterday. We picked up the Felthams at about 12:15pm and headed off to Bassingham for the ceremony. It's a nice looking church in the middle of the village and the other guests were arriving as we got there. There was a drop of rain in the air but nothing too heavy although the sky didn't look promising.

We moved inside and were greeted by Hicko the usher. We couldn't work out if we should sit on the bride's side or groom's side. We plumped for bride as that was where M&G, T&Y, P&S and N&A were also sitting (sorry Gareth!).

As we were sat in the church we could hear the rain getting heavier. By the time the bride arrived it was really drumming against the roof. Hels and her bridesmaids (Keeley and Charlotte) must have been carefully umbrella'd from the car though as they didn't look like they'd been rained on. At this point it would be traditional for me to describe the dress - it was white... I think. See K for further details. On the other hand, I can remember that Gareth and many of his work colleagues were wearing their No1 uniforms complete with swords.

The vicar started by asking Gareth if he would take Helen to be his husband. Weddings are scary enough for the groom without ending up with a husband! Luckily he spotted the mistake and started again. At the point where the vicar asked the congregation if anyone knew of a reason why G&H shouldn't wed; the heavens really opened. The drumming on the roof became noticeably louder and there was general laughter from the assembled masses. The vicar decided that we wouldn't consider that to be some sort of sign and carried on.

The rest of the ceremony went smoothly and Mr & Mrs B left the church together to be greeted by an RAF guard of honour with swords raised. Unfortunately it was still raining so they quickly came back inside for more photos. We hung around for a little while and then headed off to Woodhall Spa via Bassingham Spar.

It's a 30 minute drive to the Petwood Hotel and it was still chucking it down when we arrived. We were greeted with free Pimms, champagne or orange juice with crisps and crudités to nibble on. More photos were then taken in front of the Petwood's impressive fireplace before the bride and groom took advantage of a lull in the rain to have some pictures done outside.

I'm not sure what time dinner was served. You just kind of go when you are told but it was probably about 4pm. All the tables were named after TV cop shows and we were on CHiPs with Becky & Dave, Bob & Bev and Mark, Mem, Leo & Alex. We had a fish starter followed by roast beef and then a three-part desert consisting of individual lemon, strawberry and chocolate mousses.

The speeches were in the traditional position at the end of the meal and they were very good. Helen's Dad, Gareth and Owen (the best man) all put in top performances and were very funny. I even got a mention in Owen's speech as an example of how many different and lengthy familial connections were in the room. I forget exactly but I think he told Helen that I was her husband's, 2nd cousin's, husband's, sister's, husband. That's Lincolnshire for you!

G&H had asked me to organise a speeches sweepstake so I had been round the tables handing out entry sheets and explaining the concept to everyone. Knowing Gareth and Owen, I had a feeling that they wouldn't be brief so I guessed 44 minutes and won the pot on our table. The actual time was 48 minutes and 1 second - Jon guessed 47:59 but didn't win as someone else on his table chose 48:00. He was gutted!

The evening guests started arriving after the speeches and the room was turned around with space made for the dance floor. It had finally stopped raining by this time and it was quite a warm evening so we were able to go out on to the terrace for a drink. Well, I was out on the terrace - I think K spent a lot of her time on the dance floor. As a result of this, she was able to get a close up view of Pete & Ginny's dancing - they have a style that can only be described as enthusiastic.

More food was brought out later on - despite being stuffed from lunch I still couldn't resist the fine selection of pork and pastry based products, along with sandwiches and Indian snacks. I kept grabbing a plateful only to have it plundered by all and sundry so I had to go back for more - well that's how I remember it anyway.

Much eating, drinking, dancing, chatting and laughter later - it was time to depart. Nick had organised a minibus for N&A, P&G, P&S, C&E, T&Y, P&D, J and us. There was much drunkenness on the bus and someone decided it would be a good idea to have a sing-along. The driver was treated to a 40 minute serenade of themes from kids TV shows. This is one of my specialist subjects so I was more than happy and joined in with gusto.

It was a great day and night and we both wish Helen and Gareth every happiness for their future together. Thanks guys!